im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
