im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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