Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have post one night stand depression
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