the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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