I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
