how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
