she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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