I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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