If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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