Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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