I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Green mimosas i think yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize