There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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