mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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