if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
