I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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