what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Drunk is not a location!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
