Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
