she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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