If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
