the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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