Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
