I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
