My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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