I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
