you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
