I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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