So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
