I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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