OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The uberlube is also flammable
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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