please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
