But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
