Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I touched a dick in church today
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
