have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
