our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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