i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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