i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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