so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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