we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He passed out mid-signature
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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