I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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