Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
