Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
