She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
