Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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