just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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