watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
