You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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