The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
