the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
