i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
