Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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