he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
