I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
