Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
