is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
