and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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