Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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