no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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