how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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