His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
