so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
