There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
