Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
