My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
