Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
