what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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