Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
