just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
