Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
