I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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