One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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