we're blogging at a bar
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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