OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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