3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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