What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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